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To the one who taught me life

It's been months now, friend.
The first time i stepped out towards dark water
I forgot how to breathe.
My body went into survival mode,
Gasping for any sort of breath,
Keeping my head above the water.
Even though my feet were placed firmly on land.

I imagined what drowning felt like,
What you thought of while taking your last breath,
If you felt or thought of anything at all.
Or did you just let the silence,
Of water rushing into your lungs,
Calm you into a dream-like state?
I could imagine terror in your eyes,
Feel the panic,
Then the gradual transition from consciousness,
To eternal sleep.

I look at your pictures,
So that I can remember the way
Your face would light up when seeing those you loved.
I cry when I hear your songs.
Your face, I will always remember.
But your voice seems to be slipping,
As the days go by.

I will never have as good of times as I had with you.
Someday when I take my last breath,
When I feel the panic,
Then the gradual transition to eternal sleep,
I will see your smiling face,
Hear your beautiful voice.
We will sing our songs.
Bohemian to the end my friend.
Beauty, Good times, Love, Friendship.

-To Abel Bolanos, the little brother I never had. I miss you so much. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. In my heart forever.

I spit this out on paper

The empty spaces of you...
I choke back your present scent
on my skin, hair
reminents of our latest sin

I cannot sleep tonight
So I throw back another
Smile at the man across the bar
Let him hope he could be the next

We dance in my dreams
Speak out of turn
Know that our last has come
We hold on

I was your greatest mistake
It hurts to laugh
and imagine that I once had you
That I could make someone feel whole
even just for a little while

So we nod as if acquaintances
Walk on
Burn our cheeks
And we keep going forward
Towards our next breath


don't know where it came from..but I like it..I need more late night random writing sessions
Well I figured I haven't updated in a long time so I might as well do it now. Nothing much has really been going on for me this summer. Jeff and I broke up about a month ago. We decided that we were better off as friends right now. We both saw this coming for about the last year so I'm glad it was a mutual break up. We had four good years. We still hang out a lot which I think is good.
I got a job bartending full time on the gambling boat. It's a good job that keeps me busy. If I wasn't doing that I'd be pretty much sitting around and hanging out with my friends everyday. Nothing wrong with that, but I seriously needed the money. Also, Clinton Community wasn't offering the classes I needed so there went my plans to take more summer classes. I hoped that I could have caught myself back up with those classes after what happened first semester last year, but I guess there's always next summer. I probably wont be moving back home though.
We moved into the new house back in May. I really like it, still miss the old house, but I guess I'm learning to like this one. My parents are talking about getting a pool so that should be fun.
My brother graduated back in May from the Art Institute. We went out to Chicago for that and I got to see some old friends while I was there and meet some new people.
This weekend I'm going with Liz to Minneapolis for her cousin's graduation. I'm supposed to be hanging out with one of the guys I met in Chicago because he lives there and was only visiting when I was there. I haven't gotten a hold of him so who knows what's going on. It should be a fun weekend though because I miss Liz like hell and can't wait to go back to Ames.
Like I said not too much is going on. I pretty much just sleep and work. Everybody knows I've always hated schedules...and now that's all I have...rofl

Deer hits you

My friend Heffa got hit by a deer last night. He was driving and saw the deer about to come on the road so he slowed down and went onto the shoulder. The deer then ran smack into his driver side door. He called me after words and we giggled about it. He didn't say how the deer was...but I made a picture about it. Here is my 5 minute photoshop creation dedicated to Heffa.

Apr. 19th, 2006

Comment, and . . .
* I’ll respond with something random I like about you.

* I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.

* I’ll name something we should do together.

* I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).

* I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.

* I’ll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.

* I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.

* If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

Apr. 10th, 2006

All I have to say is...rofl

I just love this song


Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world